Even though married partners should eagerly ask for forgiveness when they hurt one another, it becomes a hard thing to do in the give & take of life.
But marriages can only grow in intimacy and flourish when we give and receive forgiveness for the offenses that hurt unity.
Every offense that is not forgiven drives a wedge into the oneness of marriage.
And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Col 3:12-15
Have you ever had to "bear with one another"?
If you are married you do it everyday. Right?
Bearing with one another is essentially the proper response to unintended offenses. Sure, it may hurt. Sure it may sting. But if your spouse didn't intend to hurt you, can you really build a wall around that situation?
Forgiveness is the harder work. It should be the response to intentional offenses. If your spouse does something, or says something on purpose, then they will need to fess up and ask for forgiveness. When they do, your proper response should be to forgive.
Why do you need to forgive?
How can I imply that it should be your "proper" response?
Look what Paul says, "Just as the Lord forgave you, so should you."
Forgiveness is possible when we look at it through the lens of Christ and His forgiving work at the cross. He died for the penalty of our sins!
So shouldn't we also forgive? Isn't that the least we can do?
Every offense that is not forgiven drives a wedge into the oneness of marriage.
Let's get in the habit of forgiveness with our spouses. With it, we have the ability to create intimacy and transparency. Without it, we build walls and cause unnecessary hurts that are not easily repaired.
Portions of this material were originally written by Tommy Nelson in The Power of Two. The bible passage is from the NASB.
